#39

Please don't tell me the caveman exhibit at the Smithsonian makes you uncomfortable and then say, "You don't actually believe we descended from apes do you??"

#38

Please don't stand me up.

#37

Please don't try to guess my weight while I'm eating (or ever).

#36

Please don't tell me you think we have a lot in common because you love karaoke.

#35

Please don't tell me you're shocked at how good I speak English.

#34

Please don't order a shirley temple.

#33

Please don't introduce me to your mother on our first date.

#32

Please don't tell me you hate lawyers after I just told you my dad and two of my best friends are lawyers.

#31

Please don't tell me you love Andy Warhol but hate modern art.

#30

Please don't tell me you collect dinosaurs specifically from the Land Before Time, and then set up a photo shoot where upon you send me 3 photos, and want me to critique the lighting of said photos.

#29

Please don't tell me you live in your grandma's basement but that it's cool cause you can still have people over whenever you want.

#28

Please don't yell at me because you think I don't know the difference between an ape and a monkey.

#27

Please don't tell me I obviously don't pay attention to the details.

#26

Please don't tell me you hate Washington, DC. because the people there "suck."

#25

Please don't tell me you can just tell I'm a party girl.

#24

Please don't ask me how much I make.

#23

Please don't tell me you're a vegan, try to convince me vegan cheese is just as good as the real thing and then order nachos.

#22

Please don't brag about how you're on the skinny bitch diet.

#21

Please don't send me photos of plastic stripper shoes and ask me if they're classy or trashy.

#20

Please don't tell me you think you're more attractive than I am but that I make up for my lack of looks by way of my personality.

#19

Please don't spit your food into your napkin at a 5 star restaurant and then yell "Yucky!"

#18

Please don't ask me if I love you long time.

#17

Please don't send me 17 photos of your dog in one afternoon.

#16

Please don't tell me you don't have a girlfriend when she just finished texting me.

#15

Please don't text me while you're in the bathroom at the restaurant while we're having our date.

#14

Please don't tell me you're a professional diver when you're really an IT specialist.

#13

Please don't lie about your age.

#12

Please don't text me and ask me if I want a small fries and then say "just kidding" when I'm on my way to meet you.

#11

Please don't wear fake diamond earrings.

#10

Please don't forget your wallet.

#9

Please don't brag about your Acura.

#8

Please don't french kiss your dog and then try to kiss me.

#7

Please don't ask me if I want an allowance.

#6

Please don't tell me you're the "too good to be true guy."

#5

Please don't tell me I need to get my roots done because my hair looks really bad.

#4

Please don't tell me you've experimented with other men but now you know for sure you're into women.

#3

Please don't try to push me into the sprinklers at the zoo.

#2

Please don't throw menus at me.

#1

Please don't tell me I look about 3 pounds overweight.

Preface

It's been a busy year for me,...breaking up with my long-term boyfriend, getting a new job, and entering the world of singledom. It's been such an interesting ride so far that many of my friends and colleagues have encouraged me to blog about it. Specifically the dating portion of my year. So...this is it. My tribute to all my dates. In a way, it's my thank you to them, for helping me figure out exactly what it is I don't want. All of these "please don't's" are in fact actual things that have occurred or been said to me by various dates. Hope you find them as amusing as I do.

Sincerely,

L.